Today I cried for the first time this year

And it actually felt good. I was a little worried I was turning into a sociopath. I been numb to everything for a while and it's good to know that I do have feelings but got damn, is life suppose to be this hard? I try, I really do. I always give my best. I'm a good person. I don't know what I'm missing.

And I'm just tired of trying to find my missing link. I'm depressed. But the show must go on right? *sigh* yeah I'm sick of that shit too. Smiling when I feel like crying. I don't want people feeling sorry for me but I would love for somebody to make me feel like they care about me and my well being for once.

I guess putting the smile on my face doesn't help but what else am I supposed to do?? Be miserable?? Yeah fuck that. It's enough miserable people in the world, I don't need to contribute to that shit. Imma get it together. Pray for me lol. I'm not as distraught as I may come across but seriously pray for me. I need all the help I can get.